Monday, April 20, 2015

New and Old Loves

have a niece! And I'm beyond in love. Babies are generally very cute, but this is the first time I'm actually interested in something that does little more than eat, cry, and poop.

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She was born in March, and she's just about the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She's got my brother's nose, and the wavy hair must come from our side of the family.

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My parents finally have the grandchild they've been waiting for. I definitely owe my little brother one for taking the heat off me for a while! 

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I flew back to Orange County for the big event and hung around for a week, cooking and freezing things for my brother and SIL. Most of the time, I was just in disbelief that my baby brother has a baby! When I look at him holding her, I can't wrap my head around the fact that he's a father now. I kept having to remind myself that they weren't just babysitting. 

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My sister in law is great about sending me pics, so I get to see how she changes every day. I can't wait to see how she grows up, but I want her to slow down at the same time so I don't miss too much while I'm away. Current opinion is that she looks like her dad, but I just know her face will change so much by the time I see her again!

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I also got the chance to spend some time with Kitty on this trip. She was diagnosed with cancer on Christmas 2013, and the vet said that she would last three months at most after the operation to remove the tumors. Her cancer would continue to spread, and I had been living under the shadow that she was living on borrowed time. Every trip back home, I would wonder if this was my last time with her. I was wrong every time until now.

When I arrived, she was still up and about, anxious for her meals and to get petted. I could see that some of her tumours were weeping, but she didn't seem like she was in pain and my parents were seeing to her every need. I had been stressed about how I would know when it was time to put her to sleep. It didn't feel like it was time. She still wanted food and love - she wasn't ready to go and I wasn't ready to let her. 

A few weeks after I left, my mom told me that Kitty had stopped eating her food and had trouble getting to her litterbox. But then she would perk up and lick up some gravy and walk around again. I agonised over whether the time had come or not. It was so hard, being far away, when I just wanted to be with her.

I decided it was better to do it too soon rather than too late, and I arranged for a vet to visit the house. I knew it was the right decision when my baby, who's terrified of everything, didn't move when he approached her, and I stayed on the phone with the vet while he talked me through the whole process. It was as easy for her as I could make it - I just wish I could've been there with her at the end. Rest well, my sweetheart, and I'll bring you back home to me again. 


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