How to Get Internet

You can't. Well, I can't, anyway. The whole mess started when we decided to do a Sky bundle for phone, internet and TV. You schedule your installation dates at the time of ordering, and I thought that it was odd that they made you choose your TV install date before your phone/internet install date, and that there was a three week lapse after the TV was installed in order for us to get phone/ internet. 

Now I know why - that famed British paranoia in all things administrative. I learned this the hard way after waiting all day Monday for the phone/ internet engineer to show up. The time slot they gave me was 1-6 PM (you guys with those 2-4 hour time slots aren't complaining any more, are you?), and I gave up by 7PM.

We gave Sky a call to see what the hell happened to our engineer, and it turns out that the engineer wasn't going to show up at all that day, and I was a silly fool for thinking that he would without receiving a confirmation letter by post of the install date. Which I would only have received if I had received my Sky viewing card. Which I would have if the Royal Mail hadn't decided to just return to sender. So here's the lowdown on how to get Sky services:

1. Order Sky phone, internet and TV
2. Schedule Sky TV
3. Schedule Sky internet/ phone
4. Have the TV engineer come to your house - but you can't watch TV right away, you need your viewing card for that, which is sent separately by post.
5. Wait for your viewing card
6. Wait for your viewing card
7. Wait for your viewing card
8. Call Sky and ask what happened to your viewing card. Make peace with the fact that the Royal Mail returned the viewing card to Sky for some unfathomable reason, and Sky will resend it.
9. Wait all day for the internet/ phone engineer.
10. Call Sky and ask what happened to your engineer. Make peace with the fact that the internet/ phone engineer wasn't ever going to show up for the scheduled install if you haven't placed your viewing card in your Sky TV box. Apparently, they don't believe you're actually going to take the bundle until you take the bundle - contracts are for wussies.
11. Wait all day for the viewing card. This is getting familiar.
12. Twiddle your thumbs and think about calling Sky back again since you should've received the viewing card by now.
13. Email friends and family to let them know that they won't be hearing from you in the foreseeable future.

The crazy thing is that once I do receive the viewing card, I have to activate it with a special PIN over the phone. Then Sky will contact BT about my phone line, which will take around 3-5 business days, then Sky will proceed with scheduling the phone/internet install, which can take another two weeks. They'll let me know of this mystery date by post, and I have to give them 3 days notice if this date does not work for and I need to reschedule.

And I ask you, whaaa?!